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About Varied / Professional Premium Member AHuskWasHereUnknown Group :iconotakuthon: Otakuthon
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Devious Journal Entry

Tue May 19, 2015, 11:06 AM

.: I Was Dating A Sociopath. Don't Worry, I'm Okay Now. :. ~ May 19th




THIS ENTRY DEALS WITH SERIOUS SHIT. TRIGGER WARNING IMMINENT!!!

I have an update after the large blocks of text, if you want to skip the dirty bits, go to the second divider. 


~~~~~


I spoke to a psych the other day, told her the whole story about our relationship and breakup. Told her about my mother's death and the special circumstances that surrounded that.

She told me I had just described a textbook sociopath, and that I have been the victim of sociopathic psychological and emotional abuse for the past 4 years, both from Kevin Batista and the shit he orchestrated when my mother was dying and from my relationship. So, I would like to take this moment to do something I have been wanting to do for years; to the group of people, 7 of you, who were part of bullying and did fuck all to stop it/played along, you're a horrible person. You let that happen, and you knew exactly what you were doing. Fuck you. From the bottom of my heart, fuck you. Kevin, I'm glad I got my revenge on you.

She explained to me that Paul used gaslighting and devaluation to discredit my view on myself and the people around me, and when he left me he gaslit me to my "sister" and her family so that they'd give him a roof over his head, and when I told them that my psych evaluation came back with PTSD, he somehow discredited the findings!! Somehow he managed to get them to believe him over Drs with PhDs in this field. 

He lives parasitically, manipulates whoever he can, gets them pitying him, everything he ever says is a lie to serve his own agenda and he feels no remorse, shame or guilt. He's extremely charismatic and he always has a group of people who admire & worship him around. He's a narcissist, he used to say "Of course I'm right, I wouldn't have opened my mouth if I weren't" or "Of course I'm right, I opened my mouth didn't I?"and mean it seriously. That's a form of reinforcement, gets stuck in the back of minds, eases his integration into their lives and makes everyone around him believe subconsciously that its true. I told her how every morning(almost) he'd get intensely pissed at me for the stupidest things and say "Oh well, maybe tomorrow." and then stay angry. He was punishing me for going against him, somehow. He hated my emotions and policed them every chance he got, when we'd get into arguments and I'd cry, he took that as even more of a reason to attack.

One night, I became suicidal. I didn't reach out to Paul or my "sister" at the time because I didn't know about Paul yet and I still wanted to be friends with them, and realized how my 'sister' as stuck in the middle.(I thought anyway) So instead, I reached out to other friends. They in turn, called Paul and my "sister", to ask if they'd just pick up the phone and talk to me. Paul flat out sad no. My "sister" texted me telling me that she had just received a troublesome phone call from a friend. I started writing down what was wrong. This was on Android, there is no "___is typing" notification. It took me a while to type everything up. I guess she thought I was looking for attention, because before i could hit the send button, she wrote back 15 minutes later;

"Y'know what? This was supposed to be my day off. I'm gonna go punch my punching bag and go to bed, Maybe I'll be more clear minded tomorrow."

We were close. Very close. She guilt tripped me when I was suicidal. Paul took my friends away, lied to me about wanting to be friends with me and then left me to wait for a friend who was never going to come. He tried to destroy me, and he knew it would push me to this. That's as good as murder. And when it was about to happen, he left me to die. They both did. If a certain two individuals had not been there for me that night, I would not be here typing this up.  Suicide is not something you take for granted like that. You never risk it. Ever. I sincerely hope that, if she ever sees this, she realizes that we can never be friends again.

Since all this has happened, a good 15 - 20 people have come out of the woodwork to tell me things about Paul. He's been a parasite ever since he got off the streets. He learned how to manipulate people so he could get free rides from them. He has no real friends. The ppl around him are either using him for entertainment or staying the fuck away because he's been doing this kind of shit for years. It's been really eye-opening. 

---------------------------------------

UPDATE

To my Watchers who have been here since the beginning almost 10 years ago; I'm closing this DA account. Rather, I'm leaving only this up on it. If the staff wants to take it down, ok. I want this to be up somewhere, my story needs to be known. Maybe it will help someone else who was in a similar situation. If you are, don't quit! Don't stop! Don't let them win! I know you're lonely, I know you're scared. You might even want to die, and that is not a choice for me to make for you. But please remember one thing; Life isn't about happiness. Its about finding people worth suffering for. Don't end it because you're not suffering for someone else, instead, suffer for yourself. You're worth suffering for, and there is an incredible happiness that comes with believing that. <3

My dream came true the other day!!! I'm now a 2D Artist and 3D Modeler for an up and coming indie game company! I'm working two jobs, I've made some wonderful new friends, and I'm getting out there. Big things have small beginnings. I want to help people. I became disillusioned with people after what happened happened, which spawned an inner conflict of sorts, so now instead I'm using this whole black abyss of bullshit to springboard myself to a better place. 


Now, I know they'll probably come a'snooping around here, so for them:

Paul: So you're a sociopath. You lack a conscience. You mean to tell me, that you have the potential to fucking affect the world, to rise to some kind of power and this is what you do with it. This is it. This is your legacy. .____. You're pathetic Paul, and I'm glad you're not in my life anymore. You tried to destroy me. You're a cold, ruthless monster, and you can't even succeed at that. You are your father's son, you're a failure just like him. I feel sorry for your mother, she has no idea what you really are. That's why you never talk to her despite her constant nagging.

As for you my "sister", go ahead, don't believe me. A few years down the line, you will. And I won't be there for you then. 

  • Mood: Anxious
  • Listening to: Youtube subsciptions
  • Reading: tumblr
  • Watching: my post limit
  • Playing: REmake HD/RE4 Ultimate HD/REvelations/PkmnOR

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:iconchamploon:
Champloon Featured By Owner May 19, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for watching .w.
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:iconwinyletitpanda:
Winyletitpanda Featured By Owner May 9, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you so much for the watch Oh, Olaf 
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samahami Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Nobu Llama Thanks plz 
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:iconmanu-chann:
manu-chann Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the watch! :iconsmile-luplz:
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:iconadelgirl:
Adelgirl Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2015
thanks for the watch
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